Life changing events.. for the better and worst.

It has been one hell of a ride.

Ever since I lost my memory (it's been too redundant, explaining it over and over and over so I'll leave it to all those who know what's the real score lol), I've been on a roller coaster ride. I've been soul searching, emotional, scarred and battle laden. But I can't take away the fact that I have to live with these consequences, as well as what the people around me will do (or feel) over these sudden changes. And now, as much as I want to tell everyone what's going on inside my head, I can't put it to words.

So I'll simply leave it with this summary:

Life can change in an instant without us knowing. It could come so sudden that we never know what lies ahead after they do. It could spell doom, a new tomorrow or a never ending quest for answers. What happened to me has been a blessing and a curse; something that I have to live with as long as I'm breathing. I've had the best moments of my life, perhaps the worst as well, gone altogether just with a blink of an eye. I might get it back and I might not as well. Whatever is there, there is no point looking back now. For everyone else that I might have done wrong along the way, I am sorry. For everyone else that I have spent precious time with and yet feels the uncertainties of me not remembering it, I am sorry too. But I am being genuinely honest that with whatever flashes of the past I am slowly getting everyday, I am slowly getting the feel of what has passed by. I don't wanna look back. I just wanna go forward. I've never felt better, confident and happy with my outlook in life. Less tears, no more emo (if that's even possible haha) and all but positive thoughts. Because what makes the man in me are the people around who care and give their love despite all that has transpired. I am very much thankful for having you guys around me. I will take care of myself more now. Please stay the same.

And as for you, I love you, always and forever. Thank you for the patience and the love. <3

Life is short. Live it right. Live it the way you like it. Go with what will make you happy, and not with what will just help you survive everyday. Life is an adventure. Go out and find your destiny.

And keep believing no matter how big the odds are. :)

Sigh

I can't explain all the stuff that's going on lately. It's been a heartache and a headache at the same time. Losing my memory was like losing half of my life no matter how short it was.  It's 4 am now and I was waiting for a confirmation for something later. Looks like I ain't going out. I still wanna use my time while I'm this free to talk to people I care and love most. I hope they still feel the same.

I hope I wasn't forgotten.......

Goodnight world :(

To make you feel my Love 

Kris Allen's version

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love 

My Star

Across the ocean drifting the seas

I licked my wounds as they burned

Cried my heart out and down on my knees

Screaming in agony of how my life has turned

Saddled in thought of seemless boundaries

Stuck in the middle of a tragic demise

Escaping nightmares that form out of my miseries

I shrunk slowly into my heap of lies

In a sea of hate and negativity

Regrets rise and chaos follows with sympathy

Feel the weight of the world defying gravity

I loved you with all of me whole heartedly

I stare out at the sky and wonder where you are

Could I be alone sinking in this wonderland

I wish I had the answers no matter how near or far

Truth is from reality, here is from beyond..

Vacation Mode

I will be out from May 7th to 9th and off to Villa Escudero. So for those who are reading my poems, there'll be a 3 day break =p

I'll miss my friends, my computer, my TV, my fan, GE, NBA and a whole lot more. I'll miss YOU.

<3

Clarity

Under siege from false assumptions

Reasons to falter under a bad condition

Mindset bothered by pain and agony

Your presence returns my sanity

Over trains of thoughts and doubt

Neither words or gasps comes out of my mouth

Logic is trampled as answers were scattered

Your voice is the lone thing to me that mattered

Living under pressure of the world around me

On my heels I crumple as I drown in the sea

Vexed by my inner ghosts that time won't exorcise

Eternally destined to live in these lies

Butterflies in my stomach just disappeared

And all the antagonists that I have feared

Bid their goodbyes as you kissed my hurt away

You're all I need afterall and I run out of words to say..

Changes

Man my body's getting weaker and weaker. I dunno if this is caused by the state of mind I am in right now, or it's because I got soaked in the rain last night and didn't take a hot shower afterwards. My arms are aching. My legs are weak. I didn't even have appetite to eat lunch or breakfast. I am simply munching now on 2 pcs of hershey's kisses and a glass of water. Sugar. Yes. To keep me moving somehow.

I've had the longest sleep in a while last night (8 hours - yes that's already an eternity for me) in a month or 2 and it didn't quite help as much as I expected it to. Maybe my body wasn't used to normal sleeps already. Maybe, maybe. Pain's just inevitable with all these things I've been going through lately. I wish I can do something about it. But I can't fast forward time and beat everyone's demands and expectations from me at the moment. It's just saddening. Very saddening.

I don't wanna fall back to that state of depression I was in back then. I saw a glimpse of that self a good 2 days back when I was a complete mess for yes, another 2 days. Nothing seemed right. Nothing's working. Nothing. But at least I found my sanity for a while yesterday and I made sense. I am also feeling better now except that my body is experiencing pain.

I don't wanna be selfish but hey, can I help it?

Soul Searching

I ask, we wonder

I seek, we ponder

I come, we go

I learn, we know

Life sucks or rocks

Life builds or break the blocks

Life can be cruel or fair

Life can be a dream or a nightmare

Obstacles can be beat

Obstacles can bring the heat

Obstacles can pose trouble

Obstacles can make us humble

Very romantic nights

Very senseless fights

Very painful torments

Very memorable moments

Everything is bright

Everything is right

Everything is true

Everything is you

Under the starry sky I'll pray

Under the ocean bed I'll lay

Under the night I'll promise

Under the heavens only you I'll cherish..

Something for a Change

Well all I've done lately was post poems. Yeah, this is more of like a literary dump than a blog.

Okay so why am I a mess?

I'm thinking too much. Assuming too much. Not thinking straight. Not being fair. Being selfish to myself and everyone else that I care for. I kept acting on my own accord without even thinking how the people around me would feel. I am sincerely sorry for it so whoever I had offended/hurt in a way and by some miracle of fate, is reading this, I wanna say sorry. From the bottom of my heart.

Sometimes there are just tons of things that my mouth (or my writing in this case) can't say that they end up in the form of poems (that I write in this case, again lol) which are related to how I feel or just random thoughts of mine. Blah. Whatever actually.

I learned alot today as I reflected on how I've been acting. 

1. Live and let live.

2. Trust and have faith without asking.

3. Prove your worth to the people you love by showing them you deserve it.

4. Think before you act and don't end up regretting or being sorry for anything you've done. It's pointless and pathetic to end up in self pity or heavy regret.

5. Be patient. Nothing comes in handy no matter how much you work hard for it. If it's not for you then it isn't.

Well yes that's quite a ton of things. From being almost non-existing by spacing out during the Pacquiao-Hatton match up to that night's Colony Wars in GE, I can say I am just emotionally weak and dry. But after the whole day is off and I've done my soul searching, I found the answers myself. 

Back to the melodramatic Shakesperean mode (bleah).

Thanks for reading the wall of yak. <3

Longing

The clock ticks twelve and I close my eyes

But for some reason sleep won't come easy

Yes surely as people say, time flies

But I just can't let it be

Twists and turns, this and that's

What could be and could have beens erupt

How to put them into words is just too much

To just want you this abrupt

Be my guide when I'm lost

Be my winter in summer

Be my guest, be my host

Be my only one forever

In this events of insanity

I need no proof but just clarity

That no matter what happens it doesn't matter what I try

These eyes will always have reasons to cry

And only you, despite all, can wipe it dry..

Tongue Tied

When words can't find its way

Because of emotions that are struggling inside my head

I end up with the wrong things to say

And find my self sleeping soon in my bed

The mind says one thing and the heart another

Thoughts mix and mash as I uncover

All these harsh stuff that's making me feel bothered

Things I don't, even for a second, be sober

But in the lack of justice of what to think about

I looked at the distance and saw that glimpse first

In the crowd of buzzing sounds I hear you shout

It's only you and me after all in this universe

And amidst the lack of sensible things to say

Faith proves its worth as my mind rests

For it is in honesty that you save the day

For it is in believing that we'll pass the tests..

Mission

In the dark of the night
A thought came across my bothered mind
To be your full plated knight
When everyone else has left you behind

Patience shortens and runs out
Trust decays and fades away
But there is harmony if there's no doubt
And loyalty will always stay

Paths have crossed and intertwined
As dusk has settled in the land
Fate could build and shatter the mind
If you put your life in your hand

Goals must be set and faith tightened
If life's purpose is to be fulfilled
For it is in trying and failing that man is heightened
And a man's destiny is sealed..